


Linked Journals

by kaze55



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M, enchanted journals, from kinda friends to lovers, pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-04-24 04:13:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14347746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaze55/pseuds/kaze55
Summary: When Hawke finds two journals in the Black Emporium he thinks nothing of it and gifts them to Anders and Fenris. Nothing does he know that the journals are enchanted (well to be honest they were from the Black Emporium , so there was probably something shady about them) and were used in the Circle as a way of secret communication between the owners.  When Fenris opens it to practise his writing, the journal seems empty, but when he blinks words starts to appear on the blank page and he can’t stop reading…......Work in progress so Rating will change as I add more chapters.





	1. Shady business

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I know it's kinda late to jump on the Fenders train, but here I am :) Also sorry for any mistakes since I don't have a beta. If you have something constuctive to say please don't hesitate. Thank you for the lovely comments!  
> ....  
> I imagined the journals as something alike Voldemort's diary, where two people can "chat" with each other IRL

The Black Emporium was just as always. Dark, dusty and really shady, but that didn’t stop Hawke from coming here selling the more questionable items that he looted. Like that one illustrated book on qunari and dwarf romance that he really couldn’t sell anywhere else without questions and weird looks. Today the loot was just some staffs, but since Meredith was cracking down with her templars on anything that even smelled of magic, the Black Emporium was the safest option. 

The city guards had some trouble with bandits lately who kept attacking merchants coming into Kirkwall and Aveline asked for help, since all her men were already overworked from keeping the city at least a bit under control. After an evening killing bandits and stumbled upon a few blood mages and demons everyone was happy to be back in the city. Aveline left the moment they stepped into the city to write a report and the rest of the party was scattered now in the shop. Isabela was standing before the Mirror of transformation and taking the phrase “playing with herself” to a different level. Merrill was looking through some jewelry that sparkled so Hawke took a look around the shop too. Who knows, there may come a day when he finds something valuable here. Among all the junk he found some exploding arrows for Varric, dark green woolen robes for Anders and two empty black leather journals that he bought. 

“I’m going to pay a visit to our one and only Darktown healer so see you ladies tonight at the Hanged man!”, announced Hawke and was off.

…

There was a cold outbreak in Darktown and Anders was busy healing since he put up the lantern this morning. He was tending to a young girl, when Hawke walked in with a bundle in his hands .

“If this isn’t my favorite healer in Kirkwall!”, greeted him Hawke

“And your only healer Hawke. Also as you can see I have my hands full at the moment so you will have to wait if you want my full attention.”, said Anders as he turned back to the little girl. “See? All better. Now you go home a try to sleep for a bit.” and he moved to another patient.

“I won’t take up your time, I just came to give you some things I found today that you might like. The robes are a replacement for the ones that got ripped last time we fought those carta thugs. Also, don’t you dare to give them away, it is getting colder every night and I don’t want to come in here one day and find an icicle.” responded Hawke and left the bundle on the healer’s desk. “And don’t forget today is Wicked Grace night, but I doubt you will be in any shape to come to Lowtown tonight. Try and rest. It won’t do anybody any good if you work yourself to unconsciousness.”

“Ha! Try to say that to Fenris! Or Meredith! Or any templar out there. The more I think about it the more people come into my mind Hawke. Stop being a handsome and muscular mother hen and go home before you catch the cold too.”, said the Gray Warden. “Also, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Take care Anders.” answered Hawke as he walked through the door back to Hightown.

… 

It was long after nightfall when the last people left the clinic and Anders was left alone. He was tired and almost forgot Hawkes visit, until he noticed the bundle on his desk. Sure enough, there were warm robes for the winter, some empty vials he can use for potions, elfroot, bandages and a black journal. 

The last one caught his attention. It was a little, slim, black, leather journal. 

**“We could use it for the manifesto”, remarked Justice. ******

********

****

“No, this wouldn’t even fit the half of it. It would be a waste, but I might know a better use for it. I’ve been thinking that it would be nice to get things out, you know therapeutically...”

**“You want a diary?” ******

********

********

“No, Justice. Men don’t have diaries. They have journals!”, Anders announced. 

….

It was dark outside and the healer sat wrapped in the warm robes behind his desk writing. 

“Dear Journal,  
I feel quite stupid writing this, but I must vent to someone and this looks like the best way. Today a cold outbreak started in Darktown and while, thank Maker, nobody died, I had my hands full the whole day. …”


	2. Unexpected means of Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris wins a journal and it seems like it's talking to him

The bets were high tonight at the Hanged man, 5 Sovereigns, a bottle of expensive dwarven ale, a silver dagger and a black journal. 

“Damn, I want that dagger. It would perfectly fit in my boots and it’s so shiny! Varric you always know how to make a woman’s heart ache after something she can’t have .”, sighed Isabela as she folded her cards in defeat. 

“Rivaini, if I knew you wanted it so badly we could have made an arrangement.”, he winked at her. “My chest hair needs some grooming.” 

“Oh my, what a tempting offer. It would be my honor to do so. Wouldn’t Bianca be jealous?”, Isabela asked as everyone was putting down their cards on the table and looking for the winner. 

“Looks like Broody here won fair and square. Maybe you can offer to polish his sword for the dagger, if you know what I mean.”

“But Fenris has his sword always nicely polished Varric. Why would he need Isabela to do that?”, asked Merrill. 

“Oh Daisy, why don’t you ask Hawke about it. I bet he would love if you polished his sword.“ said jokingly Varric and gave Hawke a wink as the warrior grew red in the face. Everyone knew that he was a flirt, but when it came to Merrill he turned to a teenager boy unable to make a sentence that made sense. It quite adorable and Isabela with Varric were trying to play matchmaker since they noticed. 

“I’m going home. You can keep the dagger Isabela I have no need for it, if you want to repay me then buy me some wine.”, announced Fenris and collected the rest of his winnings.

“Oh, you are such a sweetheart! Thank you! Thank you! I am going to buy you the best wine ever!”

… 

At his mansion Fenris was putting away the coin he won that night. The ale was on his table along with an opened wine bottle and the blank journal, which he could use to practise his writing. Sebastian just recently taught him how to read and write, since both were skills slaves didn’t need. He was still a novice and the Chantry brother told him to practice if he had the time. Now was as a good time as ever, so he sat down, took a long sip of wine and opened the journal on the first page. Thinking about what to write he noticed something strange...there were words suddenly appearing on the page. 

Against his better judgement he didn’t burn the journal right away. It wasn’t that he trusted magic, not even in the slightest, but he could understand that in some situations it could be useful. He even let Hawke take his sword one day to enchant it with frost magic and as much as he hated to admit it, but the Abomination’s healing magic was also very useful on away missions. It wasn’t magic that he hated, it was the mages wielding it. He started reading the strange journal before him:

_“Dear Journal,  
I feel quite stupid writing this, but I have to vent to someone and this looks like the best way. Today a cold outbreak started in Darktown and while, thank Maker, nobody died, I had my hands full the whole day. It was exhausting and tomorrow is probably going to be the same if not worse. I can barely keep my eyes open, but I know that once I go to sleep the nightmares will come. They keep getting worse by the day. I think it’s the dark, since the nights are getting longer every day...Well that’s it for today. Hope I get at least some sleep! “_

Fenris hesitated. He took his quill and just wrote a simple:

“Good night. “, and waited. For a long time nothing happened and he was cursing himself for being stupid and thinking he could somehow talk to the journal, but then the writing started to appear again.

_“Well, you could have told me that this journal is linked. Now I feel even more stupid for venting to you mysterious stranger that didn’t ask for it. ”_

“Who are you? How are you writing this? Why am I even writing here? For all I know you could be a demon journal! I am to drunk for this … ”

_“Oh, so you are not familiar with linked journals? I can explain what they are. Basically ...”_


	3. The morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris sobers up and gets the journal checked

If someone asked Anders, what the weirdest thing is, that could happen to him that day, chatting with a random stranger through an enchanted journal after complaining about his nightmares, would not make the top of the list. Maker! It would not be on the list at all, but nevertheless it is happening. It also seems that the other person is even more confused as he is. 

_“Oh, so you are not familiar with linked journals? I can explain what they are. Basically the journals are enchanted in pairs, in a way that whatever is written in one of them shows up on the other one. If you close the journal the writing disappears. They were mostly used in Circles where letters with the outside world were banned, as a way of correspondence between mages and their family, friends or lovers. Since they were a secretive way of communication, they became quite popular with the smugglers who could easily discuss when and where to meet without seeing the other person. Sorry if I am boring you with all of this, but I haven’t seen one of them in years! ”_

Anders watched the paper carefully and after a while a wobbly handwriting appeared.

“It might be the wine talking, but I don’t think you are a book demon.”

_“I am really glad we settled that. Also I really should try to sleep. Good night.”_

Anders was about to leave when a new line appeared:

“You know, sometimes I have nightmares too…I heard it helps if you talk about it….”

It was sweet that some stranger seemed to care, at least a bit, even if they were probably drunk than Hawke the time he heatedly discussed with Isabela if having sex with Anders counted as a threesome because of Justice. 

It was cold in the small room at the back of the clinic, but Anders was too tired to do anything about it so he just wrapped the robes tighter around himself, his mind replaying the last sentence over and over again. That night he went to sleep with a small smile on his lips

...

Fenris woke up with a terrible hangover, the sun was too bright and the noise outside was just too loud. For a moment he pondered if everything would go away if he just stayed in bed for the rest of the day. Under the blankets he couldn’t feel the cold from outside and he could pretend for a while longer that he didn’t exist. He rolled over and was closing his eyes when he saw the table and everything came flooding back to him. How could he be so stupid! What it was a plot from Danarius to take him back? No, no. He was pretty sure it was a stranger that seemed genuinely surprised by the fact, that Fenris could see their writing.

He was still feeling a bit uneasy about the magic in the journal, but it seemed pretty harmless. Maybe he could take it to Sebastian today to examine it further, he should also see Varric about the hole in his roof. It’s going to snow very soon and freezing to death was not something he wanted in the near future.

…

“I am glad you trusted me with this my friend,” told the Chantry brother, “I showed it to the Grand Cleric just to be sure, but she confirmed that the book is harmless and exactly what the other person told you. I am glad you are practicing your writing.”  
“I still don’t know what to do with it.” ,responded the elf. “It’s good to talk to someone without being judged by anything other than your thoughts, don’t you think?” answered Sebastian. “ As the Maker said, don’t judge and you won’t be judged.”

“Thank you for your advice Sebastian. I will think about it and will not take up more of your time. See you next week on Wicked Grace night. ” and Fenris was out of the door. 

…

When Fenris came into the Hanged Man he found Hawke talking with Varric already. “I need these blankets delivered to the clinic and I can’t possibly carry them all and I need help.” , Hawke was looking desperate. “Why would Blondie need all these blankets?”, asked Varric confused. “It’s freezing in Darktown and yesterday when I visited him to give him some warm robes I noticed that he doesn’t even have warm blankets! Varric he is going to die!”

“I’m pretty sure the Abomination is a grown man who can take care of himself Hawke.” Fenris was standing in the door and looking at the big pile of cloth. “Also Varric can you send someone to fix the hole on the mansion’s roof this week?”

“Good to see you too Broody. What a perfect time for you to stop by. I have a really good offer for you. Take these blankets down to Blondie with Hawke and your roof will be done tomorrow evening free of charge.” Okay, that was just a fancy way of saying that he was just really looking forward to spend the evening with Bianca and not in the mood for Darktown. 

“Seems reasonable dwarf. I shall see to it.”, Fenris took most of the blankets in his arms. and let his feet take him to the clinic. “We should move along Hawke.”


	4. Warm blankets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke is a mother hen and Fenris realizes that Anders isn't quite the evil mage he wanted him to be

The two warriors were walking next to each other through the city, arms filled with cloth. “Tell me once again the reason why you had the need Hawke, to buy all the blankets in Kirwall?” the elf asked. People were starting to give them strange looks and he wasn’t feeling comfortable with the attention. “Well, you know how Anders is…” the human started. ”Actually, maybe you don’t know, since you never took the time to talk to him, did you? You two always seem to find a reason to yell at each other and then ignore the other for the rest of the mission.” Hawke sighed. The tension between the elf and healer were a constant headache for him on quests, when he was forced to take them both. He wasn’t expecting them to be best friends and braid each others hair, but less hostility would be welcome. ” The truth is, if I bought just a few, he would give them all away to the poor. This way maybe he is going to keep one. He does that with food and coins too. I have to sit with him and watch him eat if I want to be sure that he doesn’t give it all away.“

“Are you courting the mage? Is that why you are doing this?” asked Fenris after a while. Hawke stopped for a bit and looked at the elf. ”I care for Anders, since he is a good friend of mine, as are you. If you would need my help, I would give it to you too.” Fenris diverted his eyes. He felt ashamed of questioning Hawke. They walked in silence till they reached the big wooden door. The clinic was full and Anders didn’t see them coming in, as he was running from one patient to the other without stopping. Fenris remembered, that the journal stranger mentioned a cold outbreak in Darktown, but he never thought it would be this bad. The mage looked pale and had bags under his eyes like he hadn’t slept in days. 

“How is my handsome healer doing today?” Anders finally noticed them standing in the door. Well he noticed Hawke and a big pile of blankets standing next to him, that he assumed to be Fenris since he could only see his pointy gauntlets and bare feet in black leggings. “Same old Hawke. Everything is sunshine and kittens as you can see. What I first thought was just a common cold outbreak, that would be over in a day, appears to be the flu and I got half of Darktown down here with breathing problems and fever. If it spreads, it’s going to be much worse, so I do whatever I can to minimize the spread. Please be careful not to catch it too.” The two warriors put down all the blankets on the only free cot in the clinic.

Fenris never saw this many people in the clinic, not that he spend that much time here anyways. The elf only came down here if Hawke dragged him along, but he always saw just a handful of patients in the clinic at times, so this came as quite a shock to him. ” I have to ask what brings you here today with the lovely company of Fenris and what looks like a lifelong supply of blankets?”

“Please keep at least one for yourself is all I ask. I won’t take up more of your time since I promised Merrill, that I will meet her tomorrow morning bright and early, so that we can visit the Dalish. She wanted some rare ink..” answered Hawke. “ You know how much I hate waking up before dawn, but I just can’t say no to her. I should just go to sleep early today, so I look at least half presentable in the morning.“

“I think Merrill wouldn't mind even if you showed up looking like you wrestled a genlock a minute before. ” replied Anders. “Thank you, both of you for the visit and blankets . Now shoo, go, before you catch the flu too.”

Fenris was confused. Anders seemed to genuinely care about all these people, he wanted to help them all, even at the price of his own health as it seemed. He knew that Anders was a good healer, but he never saw him this exhausted and understood why Hawke was worried. He promised himself that tomorrow he will come back, to check if he mage is alright. For Hawke’s sake of course.

…

It was night time when Anders finally put the lantern out. The mage gave away all of Hawke’s blankets. His reasoning was that if he was cold, he could conjure a fire and didn’t need any wood for it, which was a lot safer. The more blankets were among the poor, the less cold they were and the less they would be sick. Perfect logic, if anyone asked him.

He was tired, but he wanted to check the journal first. He left it open in the drawer of his desk, so he would see if the other person wrote them, but the journal didn’t show any new writing. To be honest he was a bit disappointed, but the other person didn’t seem chatty so maybe Anders had to be the first to write.

…

Fenris was pacing through his room with a bottle of wine in his hand and kept glancing over to the table. The more he looked at the empty journal the stupider he felt. Maybe the other person threw the journal away. Maybe they didn’t want to talk. Maker’s breath! He was being a fool. He thought about giving up for today, when the first words started to appear.

_“Dear Stranger,  
Today sucked even more than yesterday... a kid threw up on me… it was bad. I am quite disappointed, that you didn’t write me and I hope I didn’t scare you off yesterday. Also I just realized I never told you who I was, but I don’t really feel comfortable sharing that and I won’t ask you about your name either. How did you get your hands on the journal? I got mine from a good friend who occasionally has the need to bring me gifts. He is quite the mother hen, but has a good heart. So if you are reading this please answer? I’m starting to feel ridiculous talking to myself...“_

Fenris’s stopped his facing and flung himself on the chair. 

“Greetings. I am here. I won the journal at a game of Wicked Grace. I thought about using it to practice my penmanship, but that didn’t quite worked out. I am glad you chose not to tell me who you are, it is better this way. Did you sleep well last night? ”

_“I feel like a genlock ran me over, but I was too exhausted to have any nightmares so at least there is that. What did you get up to?”_

“I talked to one of my friends about you...”

_“And did they warn you about not speaking to random strangers through a magical book?”_

“He told me to be careful, but otherwise encouraged me to make new friends. I am going to be honest and say I am not very good with people, so I should probably practice my skills in this area.. ”

_“Am I your friend now? Aren’t we moving a little too fast? You should at least take me out to dinner!”_

“But didn’t we just agree on anonymity? How can I take you out to eat? ...That was a joke wasn’t it? Maker, I am really bad at this aren’t I?”

_“Don’t worry about it. I am quite good with people, it’s kind of part of my job. We can start off with something easy. Tell me one thing about yourself and I will tell you something about me”_

By the time Fenris went to bed he had learned a lot of things about the other person. Like that they were human and their favourite color was green.


	5. Unforseen Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping day with a confused Anders and Fenris who doesn't know what to make of the mage

The sun had barely risen, but Fenris was already on his way to Darktown. He could see frost flowers blooming on the windows of buildings he passed. The city was just waking up, so he was surprised when he saw the lantern already out and the Abomination running around the clinic, which was once again full. 

Fenris walked into the back and leaned against the wall. He didn’t want to interrupt the mage and was content on watching from the shadows. As time was running by, he saw the man heal everyone who needed it. Young and old, men and woman, elf, human, or dwarf. It was only now that the realization drew on him, that the other truly treated everyone equally. In their group they were only two elves, himself and the bloodmage so he never really had the chance to observe.

As time passed, the clinic eventually became emptier and emptier until only Fenris remained. Anders still didn’t notice the elf lurking in the back, and he started to clean up the room.

“You look even worse than yesterday.” Anders almost dropped the potion he was holding. He didn’t expect to hear the elf. Fenris never came to the clinic without Hawke, but here he was. Standing in the shadows at the back of the clinic and looking at him questioningly.

“Are you feeling unwell Fenris? Did you catch something yesterday? Unless it is urgent can you please wait? My mana is too low, so I am afraid that I am not very useful at the moment.” he knew he looked tired. Maker, he didn’t have the energy to deal with the mage hating elf.

“Ease your fretting mage. I am well; I just came to make sure you left at least one blanket for yourself as you promised Hawke.” Ander was even more confused. Did Hawke put the elf up with this task? That was the only logical explanation his tired brain came up with. Fenris hated him, for having magic, for Justice, for even existing. At first he tried to reason with the elf, but after a while he stopped trying altogether. It was hard talking to someone who wouldn’t listen to your arguments. “I don’t need those as much as them, Fenris. Even if you hate it, I have magic to keep me warm if worst comes to worst, but they will freeze out there.” That was not what Fenris expected, he thought Hawke was exaggerating, when he told that the mage gave everything away. It didn’t make any sense and it truly did seem like he misjudged the other man. 

”Fasta Vass! You truly are a fool. How do you want to take care of others, while you can’t even take care of yourself! You said you are out of manna! Don’t you have some lyrium potions? What if templars came down here right now?” Anders just blinked. Fenris was pissed. He could feel the anger coming of off him in waves, if the elf attacked he could not defend himself.

“I ran out of potions yesterday….” started the healer and backed away a few steps. “Venhedis. No wonder Hawke has to watch over you like a mother. Let me guess, you didn’t even eat since yesterday, did you?” When Anders looked away Fenris had enough. If he was going to keep an eye on the mage he is also going to keep him alive.

“You are closing up the clinic and going to the market with me.” Anders just blinked. He expected screaming and maybe a glowing fist in his chest, but this kind of behavior was uncharted territory for him with the elf.

“What?” he deadpanned. „Why are being nice to me? Are you dying?” Fenris could see the panic in his eyes. ”Am I dying?” The elf snorted.

“No one is dying. Close up and come” Fenris wasn’t quite sure why he was being nice either. Maybe Hawke’s monologue from yesterday had something to do with it. He truly didn’t know a lot about the other man and seeing him today healing all those people without gaining anything from them, well let’s just say it was not something magisters would do.

....

Anders was walking next to the warrior with a basket full of bread, cheese and apples while they were looking for a blanket for him, which was quite a challenge, since it really seemed like Hawke bought most of them. He felt as though he was dreaming. This couldn’t be real. Could it? **“You are not in the Fade, even if the elf sings like home.”** Justice responded.

“You are awfully quiet.” Fenris remarked.

“I just discussed with Justice if this was real and we agreed, that if this was a dream, you would at least have shoes. You being barefoot in this cold is not something I could come up with even if I tried. How are you not cold? ” Once again he was surprised by how much the mage noticed things. “I have higher tolerance for cold and warm weather” Fenris shrugged.

“Maker, Fenris! That doesn’t mean you won’t get frostbite!”, but the elf wasn’t even listening. He was already a few stalls ahead looking like he finally found blankets.

They were beautiful, richly colored, with embroidered hems and also a lot more expensive than Anders would ever buy for himself.

“Which color do you prefer?”Fenris asked. “I can’t afford these …” , the mage started. Money is always tight if you are an apostate living in Darktown running a free clinic. “That wasn’t the question.” After a while he answered shyly. “Green”

“If you give this one away I will know about it and it will be painful for you. Are we clear?” Anders just nodded. Fenris was scary when he made threats and it looked like he was serious about this one.

…

Varric held up his end of the deal and the hole in the roof was fixed by the time he came back to the mansion. It was strange to spend his day with the mage without the others around. Hawke was right, he didn’t know Anders. Fenris had to acknowledge that the mage wasn’t what he imagined him to be. When magic came into his mind, he thought about Hadriana and Danarius and how they only used it for personal gain and inflicting pain in others. He never saw a mage healing a scraped knee of a small boy who fell down the stairs, or smoothing over a pregnant woman’s belly just to make sure the unborn child is healthy. Fenris didn’t know what to think of it, but he knew someone who could give him advice.


	6. Advice from blank pages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders has feelings, Fenris buys a gift and Hawke behaves as a big bother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long wait, but the next chapter is out! School work has kept me from posting so enjoy :)

Anders was still confused. If someone told him yesterday that Fenris is going to come to his clinic and then take him out to shop and buy him an expensive gift, the first thing he would do is check for head injuries. Justice had to reassure him multiple times, that he wasn’t dreaming and the warm blanket around him and a full stomach were proofs as well, but it still didn’t make any sense. 

**“Maybe he changed his mind about us”** Justice supplied.

“People don’t just change their mind in an day! Well, maybe some of them, but not the stubborn, magic hating elf.”

**“We shouldn’t look a gift mabari in the mouth. There were great injustices done to him too. We could give him a new chance”**

“Yes, we could do that.” Justice was right. Fenris truly suffered under the misuse of magic, maybe he could show him that it wasn’t all about blood magic and sacrifices. 

...

Fenris was sitting anxiously behind his table with a quill in his hand and waiting for the stranger to answer him.

“I need your advice”

_“Then you shall have it. What is troubling you?”_

“How do you get to know someone? ”

_“Generally, you talk to them.”_

“That’s the main problem. The two of us don’t really do talking. We have very different opinions about some things and hence all we ever do is argue about them...”

_“Oh I know that feeling! I have ...let’s call it relationship... Like that with someone. He never listens to anything I have to say! It’s so frustrating! My advice would be maybe hear each other out? You don’t have to agree with each other completely, but understanding where the other comes from is a big step. Also there are so many other things to talk about. Maybe you can find common ground.”_

“Thank you for the advice. Maybe you should practice what you preach? ”

_“I tried so many times to before., but you are right. Today maybe something changed. I had the strangest interaction with him. You know when you expect people to behave in a certain way and they do something completely different and you just wonder what in Maker’s breath happened. Also he bought me a nice gift. I should probably repay him somehow. ”_

Anders liked the other person at the end of the journal. They were good listeners and had witty remarks. It was nice having someone to talk to. He lied in his cot with the new blanket around him and only then it occured it to him that it was exactly the color of Fenrise’s eyes. The elf would look good spreaded out on it before him... aaaaand he had to stop this line of thought. One friendly conversation didn’t mean he was going to jump into bed with him. 

…

True to the advice, under the disguise of bringing him breakfast the next morning, Fenris stir up a conversation with Anders. He was intrigued. The more he actually listened to the mage the more he didn’t understand why he hated him in the first place. Yes, he was a mage, but he couldn’t more different from the magisters even if he tried. Fenris still wasn’t on board with the idea of “free-all-the-mages”, but he understood now where the other man came from and it looked like Anders understood him too. They have found some common ground after all. Fenris liked to listen to the other man’s tails from his Warden times and he had to acknowledge that Anders was truly a force to behold. He always saw him before as a weak mage who needs protection, but the truth is that the man was a Grey Warden, a battle mage who escaped multiple times from his captors and now harbours the spirit of justice in his body. He still didn’t know how he felt about Justice. After Fenris actually listened to Anders’s explanation of the difference between spirits and demons he understood better, but he still didn’t trust the spirit. It was pushing Anders too hard at times. 

As days passed, unknowingly through the journals, they talked almost every night. Anders was impressed. The other person got so much better with their handwriting and they seemed to get more comfortable. If they needed advice or and anonymous opinion they had each other, but mostly they just wrote about various books they read.  
It sort of became a thing between them. Anders opening up the clinic and Fenris already waiting for him by the door with food. Today was no different. They were already sitting by a table and eating some ham with fresh bread.

“...so I lost the bet and had my ear pierced. Sadly I lost the earring somewhere, which is shame. I was told I looked dashing in it.....” Neither of them expected Hawke to walk in. “Andraste’s titties! What happened while I was gone? You two seem to be talking, which is not a thing that was happening the last week I was here.” before either of them could answer the warrior continued “You know what? I don’t care. I wanted to talk to you both either way. I need you to come to the Bone Pit with me. A few dragonlings are showing up and we should clean up the place. Meet me bright and early at the gates. We will be bringing Merrill, Isabella and Varric too. Since last time a huge-ass dragon showed up and I don’t want come unprepared again.” that was kind of an understatement. Last time they were lucky to kill the dragon, since it wasn’t fully grown yet and Varric’s arrow somehow pierced it’s heart while the dragon was busy swallowing Hawke. 

“Oh, so now you remember you need a healer!” Anders was furious when they dragged a half dead Hawke into his clinic that last time. What party needs two rogues, but no healer when dealing with dragons? He knew that they didn’t know a dragon would be there, but still..precautions and everything... Not that he wanted to visit the Bone Pit that much. Who even named that place? It was like with the Blackmarsh...not really an attractive name. “Don’t look at me like a kicked mabari. I am going, but I will complain..” Fenris huffed next to him. Okay so maybe he would complain either way. ” ...and I am not carrying the tents.” he added after a while. 

“Fair enough. What about you Fenris? You up for an adventure in the lovely Bone Pit with all your favourite friends?” Fenris nodded. Not that he had much of a choice in the matter, of course he would accompany them. Someone had to keep them safe, not that Hawke wasn’t a good warrior, he was just a bit reckless at times and tended to run forwards, leaving everyone behind.“Someone has to watch your back” Fenris replied.

The three of them talked for a bit and made plans for provisions and what needs to be bought from the market. In the end Fenris left with Hawke to help him carry everything to Hightown. He could feel the mages eyes on his back as he walked out of the door.

…

The market was empty at this time of the day as the two men were walking side by side. “We need to talk.” Fenris was expecting to hear something like this since the other man was uncharacteristically quiet the whole way. “I don’t know what changed your mind about Anders, but he is a good man and I sincerely hope you have good intentions.” Hawke was in the big-brother-mood as Isabela liked to call it. “I won’t kill him if that’s what you are afraid of...” Fenris averted his eyes. “You were right when you said I don’t know him at all, so I am taking the time to do so. He truly isn’t as I painted him to be in my mind.” The pink hue on the elf’s ears didn’t escape Hawke. “If that’s how it is, then sorry for questioning you. I am proud of you that you have grown to be free in your mind too.” He smiled. It looked like has Fenris truly outgrown the fear that Danarius has put in him. 

They walked past armor and cloth vendors , while Hawke was chatting away as always. They stopped buying some dried fruit and while the human was bargaining, Fenris looked around the other stalls. His eyes caught sight of a small golden earring, exactly like the one Anders described that he lost. Caught in the moment he impulsively bought it. He could give it to the mage as a peace offering the next morning. 

 

… 

_“I might have a crush...”_

“Congratulations?”

_“No, you don’t understand! This is a problem. Well, this is kinda your fault too! Why did you tell me to talk to him? ”_

“Just to remind you. It was your own advice that you followed and I don’t see what your problem is supposed to be. ”

_“The problem is that I am still not sure he doesn’t hate me! We are barely friends and I don’t want to mess this up! ”_

“Well I am not the best person to ask advice on these things. I don’t even know how a crush is supposed to feel like”

_“Well, now I just feel like an asshole. You never had a crush? It is such an infatuating feeling! Like you want to be close to them, make them happy, smile when they look at you and throw them on the next bed … okay. That went a little bit far, but damn he looks so amazing and am not even sure how it all started!”_

“How can you not know what you feel?”

_“Well I just looked at him when he was leaving today and it hit me. He is beautiful and genuinely good company. Shame that it is not meant to be...”_

“You fool, thinking it is doomed before it even started...”


	7. When truth comes out

Anders was fully packed and waited for the others to show up by the city gates. Once again he did not sleep well, but this time it was not because of nightmares. This time it was because of one lyrium covered elf that haunted his dreams. He remembers green eyes and heated kisses and waking up in sweat with wet pants. This didn’t happen to him since puberty! He was a grown ass adult for Andastres sake! He could not fall asleep after that, because everytime he closed his eyes he saw that damned elf. After laying in bed for a long time he decided it was useless, so he just cleaned himself and went straight to the gates. Life is unfair, Fenris didn’t even like him and he was pining after him like a teenage girl!

It was a cold morning and the air was crisp, there were no clouds, which meant no unexpected snow for today. Anders was standing near the gates and watched the sun rise. He has to forget about last night. The friendship between him and Fenris was still something new and unexpected and he isn’t going to be the one ruining it. His advances would be not welcome by the elf. Justice was strangely silent the whole time.

The rest of the party started to arrive shortly after sunrise. Varric was the last one and with everyone gathered, they made their way to the Bone Pit. The trek wasn’t that long, but the cold air was biting their faces. Anders was at the back of the group, deep in thought when Fenris came up to him.

“This is probably stupid, but I have something for you.”Fenris took out a small package out of his bag and handed it to Anders. “I got it yesterday when we went out with Hawke and I thought you may like it.” Anders looked up from the package and met with the elf’s eyes. Everything he tried to bury away came flooding back to him. Lyrium covered hands holding his face, pushing him on his knees, green eyes meeting his, the same green eyes that were looking at him now questioningly. Anders opened up the small bundle and gasped. “I-I I don’t know what to say! This is exactly like the one I had! Thank you. It is very thoughtful of you.” Fenris was blushing, he could feel his ears heat up against the cold air, but when Anders smiled at him everything was forgotten and he even managed a small smile in return.

The two of them fell into pace next to each other for the rest of the way. If anyone was finding it weird they kept it to themselves. Fenris suspected Hawke had a word with the rest of the group to leave them be, which he was grateful for. This way no one saw how his breath hitched for a moment whenever Anders’s hair caught the morning sunlight and glowed like gold.

…

 

Killing dragonlings for distraction stopped working after the first dozen. Anders was tired and his mind kept drifting to the glowing elf. He surprised him once again. The earring was something he didn’t know how to ever repay. It was such an unexpected gesture. He just didn’t know what to do with the elf.   
You like him.

Justice, now it is not the time to tell me that he is a waste of efforts. I know that this is only wishful thinking, but he was nice to me and I had a weak moment.

**But he sings like home. The elf is grounding for us.**

Wait… are you having a crush on him too? You seem to be quiet when he is nearby. 

**We need him close.**

Anders was dumbfounded. This was not what he thought would ever happen. This - being in agreement over his crushes with Justice. 

…

It all happened fast. Everyone was busy and Fenris didn’t see the dragonling that somehow got behind him. One moment he was running after Hawke and the other the was on the floor with a bitten leg. The Dragonling was aiming for his throat next, but the next moment a ice bolt froze the creature in its place and an arrow shattered it. He was lying on the floor with blood and ice all over himself. He couldn’t stand up even if he wanted to, his leg hurt too badly. In a moment Anders was by his side with a healing potion.

“Guys I think it’s time to set up camp so we can clean up and Anders can bandage up Fenris” Isabela called “There is a stream close by and we have pretty much cleaned up the caves.”

“Girls you can clean up first, while Varric and I will build the tents. Anders you put Fenris back together ” after Hawkes orders everyone was busying themselves. Anders didn’t hear him. All his attention was on the elf, waiting for the healing potion to kick in. 

“I can’t give you more than one at the time, but the bite will need more healing, it seems really deep.The potion seemed to stop the bleeding but, I will have to use magic if you don’t want a limp for the rest of your life.” Anders was feeling miserable and tried to look everywhere but at the elf. Fenris always hated magic especially if someone wanted to use it on him, that’s why up to this point Anders always tried potions as an alternative. Now there were no options left for him. He either used magic and the elf would hate him or he would have to live with the conscience that the limp was his fault. “What are you sorry for? It’s not you who bit me.” Anders looked at the elf and they eyes meet. There was no anger or hate in them, but something deeper. “I mean I have to use magic. Is that alright with you? I like my heart in my chest where it belongs… ” 

“I trust you Anders. Go ahead.” He saw the eyes of the mage widen with surprise. This was the first time he would feel the others magic on him and if he was honest it scared him. Magic always hurt, this was not going to be different, but he didn’t want to disappoint the mage. He closed his eyes and waited for the pain to come, but it never did. All he could feel was slight humming from his markings and a pleasant warmth that spread through him. 

 

It broke Anders’s heart to see the fear on the elf’s face, he wanted to hide it, but Anders saw this expression every time someone new came into his clinic. As gently as he could, he healed the bite mark with his remaining mana. 

“All done. I can heal the small scars tomorrow after I have my mana back if you want to. I hate the taste of lyrium potions. It didn’t hurt, did it?” Fenris slowly opened his eyes and saw the mage smiling at him “No, it didn’t. Thank you .” Surprise didn’t even start to cover what he felt now. He could still feel the warmth of the other magic surrounding and comforting him. 

....

Anders was sitting by the fire alone with his journal, he needed to went. Hawke and Varric went to wash in the stream, while the girls were in their tent doing Maker knows what. Isabella winked at him knowingly when she saw him. Was he that obvious? And if it wasn’t enough he had to share a tent with the elf. 

Speaking of devil, Fenris emerged from their tent and sat down next to him. They sat in silence for a while, the flames casting shadows around them. Anders was the first one to speak up.

“Can you help me with the earring? I can’t find the hole...” Fenris’s ears went pink and he started to laugh. “You know that’s not what i meant… ” a blushing Anders was something Fenris could watch all day. The mage handed him the small packet and pulled his hair up so he had better access. He was too close and not close enough at the same time. Fenris fidgeted for a short time till the earring slid into place and he clasped it close. 

Anders released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Well, how do I look?” The fire was giving him a golden glow and Fernis couldn’t take his eyes of the man. He just now realised how close they were sitting next to each other and looked up only to meet the golden eyes watching him. 

The moment was broken when Hawke and Varric came back. The warrior gave them a look and lit up. “Hey you’re using the journal I bought you Anders! That’s great!” Anders all but forgot about it until now. He tried to hide it as inconspicuously as possible, but Fenris saw it and a realisation started to creep on him. “ Talking about journals, Fernis what did you do to the other one, you know the one you won?” The look of pure horror on their faces was not something Hawke expected. “Just so you know Daisy set up some wards around the camp so everyone can just go to sleep. Okay maybe not everyone, you two need to wash up because you smell like a mabari’s mouth.”


	8. Feelings emerge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating updated :) porn with feels :D

The walk to the nearby stream was the most uncomfortable thing Anders has ever witnessed. Fenris just found out that he has a crush on him. He still had his heart in his chest so that was a good thing, but the elf was quiet. They undressed as far away from each other as possible in the small space..

Anders was the first to ease himself in the water he sat down on a nearby rock, leaned back and closed his eyes. He expected a little stream that would reach up to his knees, but he was surprised to find that the rocks around made the water flow into a spring like formation in which he could even swim if he wanted. The water was pleasantly warm, possibly because it came from underground somewhere. He heard Fenris sitting down next to him.

“Did you know it was me you were writing?” Fenris sounded hurt. Anders was afraid to look at him. “Was it to make fun of me? To make me fall for you so that I start to accept magic?” Anders was shocked, is this what the elf was thinking? He looked over. Fenris sat on the rock, hugging his legs to his chest with his head on his knees.”Is that what you think? That I used the journal to get to you?” Fenris nodded. He didn’t want the mage to see him like this. Everyone seemed to use him for something. Why would Anders be different? “Look at me please.” When Fernis didn’t move, Anders slid closer and took the elf’s face into his hands so the green eyes were looking at him. “Do you truly think I would use you? I am going to be honest. I was afraid that you would tear my heart out after I basically wrote that I want to take you to my bed. I am glad that you are more acceptable of magic, but I understand why you don’t trust it and I would never force you to do something you are not comfortable with” realisation flashed on the elf’s face. He jerked his face out of the mages hands and was on his feet. Anders didn’t even have time to blink when there were lyrium covered hands on his throat slamming him on the rocks behind him. 

“Of all the lies you told me today this one just takes the cake. Take me to bed, pfff, sure. As if I would believe that. I am not beautiful. Have you seen my lyrium scars? I am disfigured! I would have you be honest with me mage. What are you trying to achieve? Is this some evil plan of yours?” Anders couldn’t breath. The hands on his throat were to tight. “I didn’t lie to anyone.” his voice was hoarse and Fenris lightened his grip, but he scowled even deeper. “Explain” 

“I had no idea Hawke gave the other journal to you. Honestly. Today was the first time I heard he had two of them. I value the friendship we build in the last weeks and I didn’t want to ruin it with my feelings. Also I didn’t want your hand in my chest, which still might happen in the course of this converstaion.” Anders was looking at the elf intensely, it only now occurred to him that they were both naked, wet and too close to each other. His lower regions probably didn’t notice the danger and were quite interested in this situation. Justice was also not helping, the lyrium seemed to silence the spirit. Fenris stepped closer and started to lean closer. Anders was praying to Andraste that he stays where he is.

 

“Fenris could you please not move so much?” Anders was getting desperate, the space between them smaller as the elf leaned closer still scowling. “Don’t tell me what to do. I don’t take orders from mages!”

“That’s not what I meant, but if you lean in any more, you gonna find out really quickly how attractive I find you...” Fenris didn’t seem to register the words and moved just out of spite closer, when he felt a hardness against his belly. Realisation flashed on his face and the scowl disappeared “Oh” He blushed deep crimson. “Yeah...Oh… Now do you still believe I don’t think you are anything but beautiful?”

“Well, no one ever called me that. I don’t know what to do.” He let his arms fall to his sides and looked completely lost. “You should not ask a man for advice who wants to get into your pants” Anders winked. It looked like he wasn’t going to be murdered tonight by a glowing elf so maybe he could get away with bit of flirting. “Maybe I want him to get into my pants”, it was the mages turn to be surprised. “Maybe once in my life I want to feel like you seem to think of me - beautiful” With these words Fenris closed the gap between them and kissed the mage.  
Fenris’s lips were soft and he licked and nipped at Anders’s mouth until Anders responded. His lips parted under Fenris’s and his hands came up, fingers grabbing the white, dripping hair. Anders could hear Justice in his head humming with happiness. The kisses grew hungrier, but Anders pulled back “Fenris, are you sure about this? Is this something you want to do with me because I am me or just because you think no one else would be willing? We can stop and talk.” Fenris nibbed at the mages throat. “I don’t want to stop and yes I want to do this with you. Just you. You make me feel like nobody else. I hope that’s enough reassurance for you.”  
Anders’s hands found Fenris’s thighs, pulled them around his waist, locking their bodies together. He maneuvered himself on the rock so the elf was sitting in his lap. “You are so beautiful. You have no idea what you do to me. I want you so bad” His fingers gripped Fenris’s ass. The elf moaned and let his mouth trail down the mages throat, his teeth scraped across his collarbone before moving back up to lick and bite at his lips. ”You are right. I have no idea. Show me”. Anders looked at him. Lips reddened from the kissing and green eyes blown wide. This was the most beautiful thing he has seen and he promised himself, that even if this was a one night thing only, he would cherish the other and show him just how beautiful he truly was.  
He was pulled back from his thoughts when Fenris started rubbing himself against him, making little needy noises. He pulled the elf into another kiss and reached between them. He took both of them into his hand and started to pump them slowly. The feel of Fenris’s cock against his would have been enough to make him come. “Faster please” Fenris moaned against his mouth. “I won’t last much longer”

“I won’t either” Anders licked at the lyrium on Fenris’s throat and picked up the pace. Fenris was scratching the mages back and came with a deep moan which pulled Anders into hs orgasm. 

For a few moments they were sitting with entangled limbs and were catching their breath. This was it, Fenris thought. The mage got what he wanted and would be disgusted with anything more… they always were. They thought of him as something exotic and once they got what they wanted the infatuation vanished and they realised they fucked a monstrosity. 

Anders surprised him once again by pulling him into a slow, sloppy kiss. “That was amazing. You were amazing and so beautiful.” Anders smiled. “After everything you still think that?” This could not be real, Fenris thought, they never stayed after. “Even more than before.” He was never lucky enough to have his feelings returned. This was more than he dared to hope for. This morning he was ready to cherish the moments he saw the golden halo around the mages hair and thought that would have to do; and know the man was telling him all these things he never thought anyone would say to him.

“I don’t know who made you think you are anything but stunning, but I would icebolt their asses to next week. Let’s get washed up and go back to the camp, the others might think we murdered each other”

…

Upon their return they head wolf whistles from the girls tent. And Isabela’s head appeared in the tent entrance. “I knew the two of you would get your heads out of your asses and use the sweet, sweet tension between you to something dirty. The caves echo quite nicely. Hawke owes me 10 gold.”, so much about secrecy. They both ignored her and just went straight into their tent. 

Of course the mage would be a cuddler, that was the last Fenris’s thought before sleep claimed him.


End file.
